From the Mouth of a Three-Year-Old

Grace has become quite the little sassy, hysterical, intelligent three-year-old. She talks back, tells me stories, and makes the funniest comments that make me die laughing. I try to grab my phone to write down her funniest quotes as much as possible, because I forget them so quickly, and I want to remember them forever.

For example, Grace and I had a conversation in the car the other morning about being good people. It started out with her telling me that her friend from school had a bad owie. As we were driving down the street, on our way to school:

Grace: Mom, Julia had a bad owie yesterday.
Me: She did? How'd she get hurt? Did she fall.
Grace: There was blood all over.
Me: Ouch. How'd it happen?
Grace: Her dad punched her.
Me: He did?! At school?
Grace: Yep.

I happen to know these people, and I know that this was completely untrue. However, I used it as a way to talk to Grace about being nice to others. She has been pushing and hitting (as every child does) when she gets frustrated, so we've been working on being a nice girl.

Me: Oh wow! That's not very nice is it? We don't hit others.
Grace: Nope. That's not nice at all.
Me: It's bad to hit and push people.
Grace: Yeah. If you be bad, then you can't have new toys. Or ice cream. Or see the trees.
Me: Right. Or friends. When you're mean, people don't want to be friends with you. If you're nice to people, then everyone will want to be your friend. If you're really bad, you can even be arrested, and you could go to jail. It's important to be a good, kind person, so you don't hurt anyone's feelings or make anybody else sad.
Grace: Yeah. They'll lock you in a cage with the alligators like, "ahhhh!".
Me: When you go to jail, you don't get to be free to do what you want. You have to make sure you're nice to everyone, even when you're frustrated.
Grace: Frustrated? Oh. Are there beautiful colors in the sky today, mom?
Me: Not today. We only get to see rainbows when it rains.
Grace: Oh...Bad people are dirty, too.
Me: Yep, they are.
Grace: Doc McStuffins doesn't take baths every day.
Me: Yes, she does.
Grace: No, mom. She doesn't. Can I have some of your coffee?

This is a typical conversation that Grace and I have every day. She cracks me up and totally keeps me guessing. Here are some funny comments she has made over the past three months or so that I was able to write down:

"Roll it and pat it and mark it with a 'G', and put it in the over for Gracie and me. Then just make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."
"Did somebody just poop?" after Charley farted in the car.

Lecturing Grace, I said "I'll tell you why". She replies, "No, I'll tell you why! Because Santa Claus is coming to town." (This was in May.)
"That's not our target market!" (Said in a silly voice. I think this one is a movie quote from Beethoven II.)
"Oopsy daisy!"
"And I'm going to see that at Disneyland."

"My hair is growing alllll the way to my knees."

"If you get all the way to the top, you can go to Disneyland!!"

"Oh my gorgeous!"

"Hey! Hey! Do you hear that? This is my favorite song."

Watching Snow White and the Huntsman - "That big reindeer is sooo cute! Can I pet him? But he's on a movie, though."

Watching the bikers at The Coffee Cup - "Why is that guy like a pirate? He likes Jake and the Neverland Pirates?"

Scolding Charley for spilling her snowcone - "Kids.These.Days. I'll spank your butt, little tushy."
"Yay! Hippie!"

Getting Charley ready for her shots at the doctor's office - "Mommy is right here for you, so you don't have to cry. Mommy's not gonna leave. She's gonna stay right here. Almost done, baby"
"Charley Anne! She's got mac and cheese all over her face."
"I need more toilet paper for my butt!"

After talking back, I scolded, "enough of your mouth, Grace". She responds, "and enough of your mouth, too!"

Watching her Tigger bounce all over, I said, "Grace, bounce like Tigger". Grace replies, "I can't! I don't have my tail on."

Grace: "Daddy, can I have a popsicle?"
Isaac: "Sure" as he hands her one
Grace: "Really?! I'm about to go to bed. I can't have a popsicle before bed. Mommy said so." and gives it back to him.

Charley crying on a ride at Disneyland - "Char is just freakinnnn out."
Talking about Mr. Potato Head - "Where'd the mashed potatoes go?"

Talking on her pretend cell phone - "Want me to make you dinner? I'm going to call a young man. The one who brings us dinner."
Mom: "Open your presents, Grace."
Grace: "No! Oah is going to put his shoes on and sit right here next to me and then I'll open my presents."

Talking in her sleep - "She is going to eat all my food!"

Daddy: Grace, do you want to watch you iPad while Mommy puts sister to bed?
Grace: "That would be great!"
"I have a fever, because I have a ladybug in my tummy."

Listening to thunder - "Jesus will protect me, and I will protect Charley."

Watching lightning - "Did you see that little fella?"

I got into the car, and shut the door - "You didn't put your left leg in there!"

Grace: "Look at that picture of you and Daddy kissing!"
Me: "Yup! That's when we got engaged."
Grace: "Oh! Engaged. Yah. And then the witch came and you got saved out of the cage?"
Grace: "Where is Jesus?"
Me: "He's all around us; even inside of us all."
Grace: "In my tummy?"
Me: "No, he's in your heart."
Grace: Holds her neck and begins trying to cough/choke him out.

Charley woke up and sat up - "Hiii, sugar!"

I left Instagram open on my iPad - "Mom, I just put hearts on all the pictures for you."

Charley keeps sticking her tongue out and spitting, so Grace copies her. I tell her to stop, and she says, "But I don't know any better."

Singing in her loudest singing voice - "And then we can get gasssss, and then we can go homeeeee, and then we can go upstaaiiirrrssss, and then we can play! I just love that song. Do you know that song, mom?"
"We don't have to eat dinner, because we can just eat dinner next time."
Telling her that I got her a surprise - "Oh! Is it my own coffee?!"
"When I get bigger, I won't have to go to school, and I'll stay home by myself, and I can reach the comb, and I can get a job. I'm going to work at the toy store, so I can buy myself lots of toys. And guess what, Dad? I'll have big enough shoes!"

Sharing a glass of milk and some Oreos, my hand was in her way. - "Hey! Get out of here, homie."
I love listening to her talk and have full blown conversations with everyone she meets. She says the cutest, most hilarious things at times. I do my best to write them down to share with her when she's older, but it's impossible to capture all of them. Most of the time it just surprises me that it's coming out of the mouth of a three-year-old. She's the best at cheering me up when I'm having a bad day, and I couldn't be more thankful for her. I can't wait to see what else she comes up with as she continues to pick things up and learn from her surroundings.

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